Namaku Nurindah

Recently one of colleagues passed away. He is really young, graduated 2018 which make me feel  so old. Honestly I don't know him, never met him. When I read it actually I only read the email because one of my colleagues told us in the meeting. I just read it slightly. I don't feel anything. I don't care. Yup, I am being brutally honest. There also recent news about the death of one famous celebrities. I know her but not her fan. But suddenly the Youtube feed full with the news. She passed away alone and left over 40 cats. Bless them.They went through the bridge and left this life. I don't feel anything. I just hope that one day, when I pass away there will no black and white picture of me crossing any social media feed. I just hope no. Maybe I hope I will be forgotten. Maybe because it a shame to see me in black and white picture with all *beautiful* notes from some peoples that maybe during that time seem to be *close* to me but actually in reality I run my life alone....

He hates his work so much. He does not want to be a military dog or, precisely, he doesn't want to be anyone's dog. He wants freedom to do anything he likes. Embrace his desire. No more commands to fulfill. The ability to say NO. No more. Yes, he is free. FREE. He enjoys doing nothing. In the end, nothing comes out.  Doing nothing is a comfortable pain. True, as people say. If you say No, the answer is always No. If you never try, then it won't ever happen. He watches people that keep trying and trying enviously. His heart burnt in silence.  Hoping they fail, but failure is just a creature of God. It won't be able to last. They keep trying and trying while he stays in the corner of the world fearful.

How many of you have you seen ghost? Me neither as far as I can remember. Usually it is someone we know have seen the ghost, or someone we know someone else see the ghost. Yet, we never see once. When we listen to their stories we tries to understand by reflecting what we have seen. Tried to gather any of our similar experience and give our best opinion although nobody ask. So funny we come to comment, 'maybe you should see a counsellor' or 'you might have sadness' to reason why they see the thing that we cannot see. Most of the time it always about our, none or less about them. My mom got  Covid .  My siblings along with their kids are wearing pink bracelet and me are far away helpless, tries my best to support. We had sleepless night and share our worries but at the front my mom we pretend we are happy. We plays and told her, please treat this as your vacation. Don't think much, please enjoy the vacation. Everything is going to be fine. Not only us face the Covid,...

Before sleep she put her hand together and pray,"O Allah give me a good dream.' Each morning she wake up, she tries to recall if she remember any drop of dreams. She made a wish ,"If I could not escape from this world, could I have at least a good dream?' The next morning she wake up, no dream. "God, why it is so hard to give me a dream?" The heart replied, but no dream is better than a bad dream . "Well, a bad dream sometimes better than have nothing at all." She shut her heart and continuously wishing for a good dream. Peoples come and tell her about their dream. She listens They have lunch with their crush. Seeing the ocean. Get chasing by dog or sometimes fish. Seeing the greenery. Loosing their teeth. It's fascinating. Something that never happen in life is happening in the dream. So fortunate, a twinge of envy touch her heart. "I don't dream." She tells people.  They replies , 'That's unfortunate. It's okay, we w...

Green brownish eyes like an infinity where I keep diving inside Seem like there is no way out but I can see the light Such a wonderful and peaceful down there Your smell so good like after the rain I keep longing for it, as it never enough as I never give up I am addicted and I forgive myself Alhamdulillah You gave me the reason to feel wonderful and loved We're more than enough We have created more for peoples  for faith that we believe those promises to redeem the Jannah with the mercy of God Everytime when my forehead touch the earth I close my eyes I thanks God as He created you exclusively for me Alhamdulillah Lukisan sendiri, tiba-tiba jadi ngeri pula

We're on a journey to go the Neverland The place where we never die, never stop  Although it's never ever land it could be forever and ever land Forever in pain therefore never in bless Much different with this world Where the pain can be a bless and a bliss can be a curse or the pain can be the curse and the bliss is the bless   We are walking there Oh, someone is running or crawling or don't even move but we still being moved by the time whether in the sleep or awake Some reach first, they leave some sign Some seem like reach first, they yell to other who is left behind Some try their best not to reach first but wait for other Everyone choose but at the end it is not them for decide To the Neverland whether we like it or not 24122020

Dear Simon, I know you won't read this. But I think you will understand that if I say people tend to take 20% of us compared to 80%.  We can be completely loving, hardworking and being diligent in our 365 days in a year but let say maybe 73 days we screwed up and people will remember those days. Or maybe 73 days are huge enough, let say one day. I think if a person who is really bad for the whole year but saying 'I love you' for one day maybe peoples will remember that day and carve that down onto his funeral stone. Or someone that is really kind, full-hearted but one day he screwed up... people will just remember that day. Mostly only that ONE DAY. The day that they hope it's never going to happen. So when I come to think about it, what's the point? Pointless maybe.

If someone offer you to visit the most beautiful place with one condition that you will not reveal it to other people or you will get cursed, will you still go? Nope, that could not be happened? Nobody ever invite me to the most special place. I hardly get invitation for dinner therefore forget about special place. Really? Yes...is that kind of riddle question? The sound, sound a little bit angry. Yes and No SO I have to guess...again?!! There a heavy sigh, frustration on what-so-ever. A silent. Pause.  A short silent... Thinking... A longer silent... Pause. No more thinking... Still no longer short silent... . Oh, I got it! The tone of epiphany is in low key, no excitement. Perhaps not every perceiving is comforting. The silentness remain silent.  The Silent is an absolute answer. If I tell you that you were invited to the special place and the invitation is open until your last breathe, would it still be a special place. Who, Where , When and How ...I don't have answer to t...

T his entry was parked under my draft quite some time, I was having hard time to choose to write this in Malay or English.  It is not because I am good in both language, in fact I am not good in both. Either one makes me tremble whenever I type the word, thinking whether is it proper, is it the right one?  Honestly, there is no word to describe feeling. We I always use the word as metaphors to describe it and most of the time peoples get misunderstanding regardless what word we I chose. Plus typo all over the places, some small mistakes such missing important coma ,  but or pause can cause catastrophes. Such as we and I, since I was small I used the word kita  to represent I but actually kita means we . Because of the misplaced ' kita' sometimes I get into troubles. I have to correct it every-time I accidentally use it - nope kita does not mean you and me but it means me -- but kita means we ... and there we go to the next argument. Trying to straighten me...

  "Sorry, I don't want your life." "Why? Oh because my life is miserable isn't?!!" "Yes, so do mine!" "You don't want my life because you think it's despiteful. I am miserable than your, isn't it?!!" Sigh.The sound of painful gap between expectation and reality. "Shhh... calm down." I don't want your life because it could never be mine.  I can't walk into your shoe and although I am into your shoe... still it is my own feet and I only can feel it on my own arch. ... If you understand this, you'll know there is no way for us to exchange the life. It just no way!  We always share experiences and kidney but not life. We are travel buddy however what your feel and see still yours. If you understand this, you will know that your life is the most precious for you. Nothing else matter.  Do not ever wish other's life as you will never know who will be listening. Your life is yours, it is exclusively yours wi...