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Entri 232 : Please don't post me in the black and white picture after I died

Recently one of colleagues passed away. He is really young, graduated 2018 which make me feel  so old.

Honestly I don't know him, never met him. When I read it actually I only read the email because one of my colleagues told us in the meeting.

I just read it slightly. I don't feel anything. I don't care. Yup, I am being brutally honest.

There also recent news about the death of one famous celebrities. I know her but not her fan. But suddenly the Youtube feed full with the news. She passed away alone and left over 40 cats.

Bless them.They went through the bridge and left this life.

I don't feel anything. I just hope that one day, when I pass away there will no black and white picture of me crossing any social media feed. I just hope no.

Maybe I hope I will be forgotten. Maybe because it a shame to see me in black and white picture with all *beautiful* notes from some peoples that maybe during that time seem to be *close* to me but actually in reality I run my life alone. 

Yes, maybe that is my important point. Even now in my lifetime I feel so bitter when people come and claim I am their best friend, saying that they know me bla.. bla.. but most of my life is ALONE. It is difficult feeling to see that in real life and I believe that is the last thing I want to after my death.

I might ask,

'When I was living, how many times did we met?'

'Why are you reply to my messages?'

'Have you ever call me?'

'Do you really listen to me when I said I am sad or lonely or you just reply me with your sad stories so I should be thankful with my life?'

'Do you really care?'

Or you just another person who always say we rarely meet but I HEART YOU. Really??

I was a ghost to you when I am alive why suddenly you care to black and white me in the picture with all those poem. I died, I could not read your notes.

The worse claim that I ever heard,'You know I really hope we are in heaven together.'

Really, you barely want to meet me in this small world, how can we meet in the huge heaven.

You don't have to say something nice about me , you don't have to say bad thing about me either.

because the thing that I hate the most is people pretending to care while they don't.

It's easy to me to accept that nobody care and learning it as  part of my life instead putting my entire life into the false hope.

Just don't put my picture in black and white when I die. Please do other thing to feel good about yourself.

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